A Waking Dream - Khurshid Alam : Translated in Marathi by Bharat Sasne

Savita felt Sameer standing near her. She felt him lean down, his hand gently stroking her hair. She sat up with a start. Darkness was everywhere. A thick, impenetrable darkness. Her voice, a tremor, called out, “Sameer…” And then, just as quickly, she realised she was in her own bed. And Sameer was nowhere. In fact, no one was. There was only silence. A stillness. A terrifying void. She got up and opened the window. A sliver of light from outside crept in, lingering at her feet. The window bars were cold against her touch. She stood staring out into the nothingness. Some memories, some dreams, some distant, disjointed voices. Like a diligent student, she kept revising them. Pausing on the threshold of her consciousness, she would peer into the past, wander through the desolate alleys of her mind, and realise that she was utterly alone. “Sameer! Why don’t you understand? …Or is it I who fails to understand?” Sameer just stared at her face. Then, his voice hardening slightly, he said, “Yes! I don’t understand… I don’t understand your complaints… alright?” Savita looked at him helplessly. Then, wilting, she began to fiddle with the edge of her saree, not daring to meet his eyes. Sitting there, her mind drifted back to those days. The shame, the humiliation, the urge to run away, to never show her face to anyone again. The principal had called her in and laid it all out. The principal was an experienced woman of mature thought. She had complete faith in Savita. In fact, when staff members had complained about Savita, the principal had told them in no uncertain terms that she did not appreciate such complaints, that even listening to them was a trial. And now, she was suggesting that Savita should resign, if need be. Savita was stunned. She was speechless. It felt as if someone had pushed her into a deep well. As the principal’s words echoed in her ears, a cascade of faces flashed before her eyes. Her mother, who had poured her entire being into the hope of Savita’s marriage. Her ailing father, her younger brother and sister, and… Sameer. Savita walked out of the principal’s office as if carrying a great burden that bent her neck. Once outside, she did not cry. She sat still, staring at the pale yellow walls. How could everything end so quickly? Could she ever have imagined it? How many days had it even been? And there was still so much left to tell Sameer. So many scattered, broken pieces in her mind that needed to be said… No! I will not cry. Savita told herself, commanded herself. “No,” she said aloud to the silence, “I will not cry. I’ll leave this place… go somewhere far away… I’ll find another job… but I cannot remove Sameer from my life… it’s not possible for me.” Memories, and more memories… A single tear escaped and traced a path down her cheek, but Sameer just watched her. Aimlessly. Like a little child. It was hard to keep her composure. Seeing him so innocent, she felt an overwhelming urge to hold him, to let the feelings in her heart pour out. To surrender her lifeless body to him and say, “Sameer, take me away from here… take me out of all this… these people will never let us be together.” But it all remained in her mind. All she could manage to say out loud was, “The principal has asked for my resignation.” “So? Why are you so upset? It’s not as if I was going to let you work after we get married anyway.” “Sameer…” Savita’s voice was a wound. Sameer, a little startled, said, “Hm? What is it?” “I can’t marry you!” “What? Why?” “You know everything.” She kept looking at him. He seemed numb, stunned. “I have responsibilities… you know that. I haven’t hidden anything from you.” “But…” “Listen! My father, paralysed… my mother, two sisters, and a brother! I have to do everything for them, don’t I?” “But isn’t it my share of the responsibility too? Everything will be alright.” “You won’t regret making a decision in the heat of the moment?” “Huh?” “And your age? I am older than you. How can we forget that?” He just stared at her. She continued, “Our marriage won’t work, Sameer! And I’ll constantly be tormented by the thought that some younger, more beautiful girl might steal you away from me. This feeling…” “So this was your test for me?” “No… no, Sameer!” She clenched her fists, her voice thick with emotion. “This college, these grounds, these walls—this is my future now! Leave me here!” Sameer was silent for a long time. Then he said, “So what am I supposed to do? Just wander in darkness for the rest of my life?” “You should go, Sameer… When you are near me, I can’t make any decisions. When you are here, all my resolve, all my intentions begin to tremble. Go… just go!” Her voice was soaked in tears. She, too, was drenched, inside and out. After that… after that, Sameer left and never returned. A few days later, Savita met with the principal. She said, “If everyone, including you, has an objection to Sameer’s visits, then he won’t come here again. Everyone has misunderstood him. He won’t come now. I have erased him from my life. Consider it a moment of madness.” The principal just stared at her. Savita’s friend, Minu, placed a hand on her shoulder. She leaned in and said, “What is going on? Why are you saying such things?” Savita stared at the lines on her palm. Then she said, “I did the right thing, didn’t I, Minu?” “Hm?” “It’s been so many days, and Sameer hasn’t sent a word… Everyone must be satisfied now, right? All their souls must be at peace…” “Really? But you’re the one who told him to stay away! Should I… should I call him?” “No, Minu.” Savita said, and fell silent. Later, walking through the college corridor, she suddenly saw Sameer’s car parked outside the gate. He was sitting inside, smoking a cigarette. He took one long drag and threw it out. She reached the car… softly, in a low voice, but with genuine care, she asked, “When did you get here?” Sameer was quiet for a moment. Then he looked at her face, searching for something. Finally, in a guilty tone, he said, “It had been a long time… so…” His whispered answer, a half-explanation, hung in the air between them. Taking a deep breath, she said, “Yes. It has been a long time. Are you alright? Have you been well?” Sameer remained silent. Just looking at her. Motionless. She took his hand in hers. “I thought you would never come back now…” A tired smile appeared on his face and vanished. “You’re the one who kept telling me not to, aren’t you?” “Have you ever listened to everything I say? No, right? Then why did you choose to listen to this one thing?” He smiled a little. “My mistake. I won’t listen anymore! Come on…” She opened the door and sat in the car. In the front. Beside him. He started the engine. After a while, he stopped the car near an old, historic building. They went and sat on the grass. Both silent. A quietness that was only on the surface. “Why do you torture me so much, Savita…” Savita said nothing. “Look at me, Savita! Look at me and speak. Sometimes it feels like even when you are with me, you are somewhere far away… Tell me…” Savita looked at him. Then, with a sense of futility, she said, “What should I say? What is there to tell?” “You mean you have nothing to tell me?” “Not right now…” “Then?” “Let those things be for now, Sameer… Let’s talk about other things. About the world. About practical matters. Did you know Minu’s marriage has been arranged?” He fell silent. Then he asked, “Savita… is there no hope for me? Why have you become so cruel?” She kept plucking blades of grass. What she really wanted to say was, or, But she couldn’t say it. She couldn’t utter such stale, preachy platitudes. She knew that some wounds never heal, not even with the passage of time. And what was forgetting anyway? A transaction of give and take? The little bit of joy she had received from him set them apart from ordinary people; was forgetting that joy the price of separation? Being together after being apart was like walking on hot embers; a hidden spark could still burn your feet. That’s how it was with dying relationships. Savita and Minu went to a clothing store. Minu looked through the clothes, but Savita just stood there, looking around. She had no interest in shopping. She stood in a corner. Just then, someone said, “Savita…” Savita was startled. She turned to look. It didn’t take her long to recognise Sameer’s aunt. Her eyes immediately began scanning the area for Sameer. “When did you arrive, Maushi?” “Just this morning.” “Please come home!” “I am leaving tomorrow morning… I came to see Sameer. He is leaving today, you know!” “Leaving? Where?” “You don’t know? He’s going to America tonight! His company is sending him… He flies out tonight.” Savita was stunned for a moment. Then she asked, “Will he be gone for long?” “I don’t know for sure, dear! But a year… two years… something like that…” “When someone goes abroad, they don’t come back without seeing everything, do they? It will take time!” She was speaking, but the voice felt like it wasn’t hers. As if she was speaking from a great distance, not a part of the conversation at all. She didn’t even notice when the aunt took her leave and left. Savita looked for Minu. She went to her and said, “We have to go. Now. Sameer is leaving for America tonight. I just met his aunt! The flight is tonight.” “Oh… let’s go.” The maid opened the door. Savita asked impatiently, “Did anyone come?” The maid shook her head. “No. No one.” “Not even a phone call?” “No.” Minu asked Savita, “Will you go to the airport?” She didn’t answer. She was lost in thought. They went about their chores quietly, but she couldn’t forget. Somewhere deep inside, the fact remained: Finally, she said it. “Minu, could you please ask someone to call a taxi?” Savita opened the cupboard. Took out some money. Grabbed her purse. Put the money inside it. She began to seem agitated, restless. She applied lipstick. As she was getting ready, she saw a taxi entering the gate. She picked up her purse. For a few moments, she kept opening and closing it. A few moments passed in turmoil, and then, suddenly, the agitation in her eyes transformed into a state of profound gravity. A calm expression settled over her face. As if a storm had just roared past, missing her entirely. “Savita, the taxi is here,” Minu said. Savita was startled. Then, she looked directly into Minu’s eyes, without blinking. She put the purse down. In a quiet voice, she said, “Tell the taxi to leave, Minu. I am not going to the airport… …I am not going.” Original Urdu by Khurshid Alam Translated to Marathi by Bharat Sasane

This story is an English transcreation of 'जागत्या डोळ्यांचं स्वप्न', a Marathi translation by Bharat Sasane of an original Urdu short story by Khurshid Alam. The Marathi version was published in theSahitya Chaprak Diwali Ank 2025 https://youtu.be/IF3LFnF-AOk